Parenting when Frustrated

If you are a parent, then you know first-hand what it feels like when your child is pushing your buttons and you just can't take it any more. We all have our own triggers as parents. Some parents are noise-sensitive, some are easily overwhelmed, some are bugged by defiance or disobedience, some don't like the chaos or disorder children bring. We LOVE our children, and need to recognize that it is a normal part of life to get FRUSTRATED by them. It's taken me a long time to admit this. I'm an Enneagram 9, with a 1 wing which means peace is my main dish, calm is my appetizer, and I'll take a side of orderliness, too, please. This combo makes it difficult for me to be assertive as a mom sometimes, or even to recognize my OWN feelings about something. I'm also an empath and deeply feel what others feel and can see things from ALL sides of the situation. I want to make my kids happy. I want peace to reign. I don't want to disrupt the calm. And the truth is that saying "no" and mediating fights disrupts the peace, and causes all h-e-double-hockey-sticks to break lose.

And here's the kicker - you cannot control your children. That is an illusion. You can teach your children, walk along side them and guide them. But then it is up to the CHILD to take what they've learned and apply it. And it is up to the parent to control how we REACT to what our kids do. My response as a mom is critical. I am the adult in the relationship, the one with more years of experience, with more self-awareness, with more training, with more education, with more self-control. How I react to my child is how they will react to others when they're presented with the same situation. So...no pressure or anything. 😜😳

Strategies I’ve learned over the years that help me manage my frustrations:

1. Take a deep breath and try to put myself in the other person‘s shoes

2. Recite applicable Scripture I’ve memorized

3. Ask myself ‘How important is this to me?’

4. Remove myself from the situation, if it is safe and appropriate to do so

5. Be kind, but firm

6. Use “I feel” and “I need” statements

7. Set boundaries and expectations BEFORE a situation and not during it

8. For my own sensory overwhelm, I love popping in a pair of headphones (earplugs) to help reduce over-stimulation from noise

What about you? What helps you keep your calm during moments of frustration? 👇🏻👇🏾